Blog Burger

I really like simple stuff. I like how the simpler something is, the more it is open to interpretation and therefore can have such a complex resonance with the viewer.

My life seems to be only occupied by looking up and forward. I appreciate what I have and who is there but without looking forward I cannot be satisfied with the present. My hopes and goals are what keeps me sane and grounded, the act of reaching for the stars we’re told to when we’re young is just as fulfilling as reaching them.

I guess you could say this is my attempt at some loose form of art set within judgment free boundaries.

Tight fitting dresses on young women today remind me of the bags that you put a doonah in and use a vacuum cleaner to suck all the air out of.

Well yes I have been slack and seeing as only 3 weeks into my blogsventure I delayed in finishing a weekend AND revising the most recent one. You could presume I’m a horrible person likely to die a horrible burny death.

As I am being sneaky at work (technically the creation of this blog is earning me money woot) it will have to be brief. Think of it as an apologetic entry.

Things I learnt on the weekend.

1. A siblings ex is someone you never want to encounter through a completely different avenue other than through your brother/sister. (possibly the most awkward thing to do ever other than mistaken a relative for someone attractive at a distance and then recoil in horror whilst stabbing your short sighted eyes (this has never happened to me, I exercise extreme caution when looking into the distance)out).

2. My presence on this world diverts iPhone 4’s away from my loved ones. Since July last year my lover has been looking for an iPhone, i have always been present (mostly, or involved somehow) in these searches. The day that i have exactly zero involvement, one is available and my girlfriend attains one. She has now been boosted up from a samsung flip phone (remember buttons on phones? i know its hard but try, this phone had buttons) to a lovely schmicko iphone 4.

3. toys that fire projectiles and water will never leave the love pocket in my heart

4. Picnics are always lovely, no matter how mauled and chewed up you get by mosquitos.

The Drunken Foray into a Rainwater Tunnel

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After a hearty game of kings cup and drinking to Bernard, Manny and Frans’ humorous antics my friends and I decided we needed a Nathan Drake/ Indiana Jones style adventure. I had remembered a nearby underground tunnel that I had never fully ventured in. In a shot we were off!

We took my German Shepherd/ Rottweiler named Jesse, just in case. Well, the tunnel led to a 5 foot drop off into a small concrete room with another tunnel leading out the other end. It was awesome and setting up camp there was discussed in earnest. But our spirit of adventure proved to bold and we decided to push on. After struggling for a bit to carry my dog off the ledge we continued through the cylindrical abyss. It opened up onto a small man made river, surrounded by thick bushy forest. Being aware of leeches, snakes and so forth we pondered our options. Returning back wasn’t one.

We trekked for the next twenty minutes through the dense scrub that surrounded the very very very brown water. After a small fear that we were lost we started rapidly climbing and made it onto the road. Scratches were a plenty but ticks and leeches were no where to be found, luckily. Well not yet anyway.

Needless to say we celebrated our adventure with pizza, seinfeld, the simpsons (tas been too long since we all enjoyed an episode),  and a frustrating foray into building a house of cards. note: drunkenness and finesse are two abilities that never share the same time-space.

Thus concluding the night. Tips:

If you ever have a bold idea involving danger and darkness whilst drunk, act upon it with enthusiasm, fun can only come of such decisions. (although if heavy machinery is included, take one more second to ponder)

Indiana Jones is a fine role model.

dogs don’t like heights

Simon Pegg is hilarious

shotting drinks is the finest way to drink. All the fun, none of the bellyache or sugar sickness.

To be continued…

Welcome to the weekly blogburger. Once a week I serve out a meal of misadventures, may-haps, measly meanderings and a whole miscellany of musings and mirth.

Bon Appetite

Top 5 Ways to help the Bible Reach Gen Y

Firstly, I’m not religious. This is not a reachout to all the hipsters out there desperately pawing for you to “sayve yaw sawl ” (as the preachers say). This is just targeting a demographic.

Unfortunately I think those whose “souls” are “saved” have a little bit of Jesus blindness, so they can’t understand why their indie-pop-rock-jesus-hearting bands aren’t making a connection. If reaching a vast group of young people is what they really want then this is what needs to be done:

5. Product Placement

Get some big endorsement deals. We want Coke, we need Jesus! Plus everyone would love to see Jesus’ favorite iPhone apps, how he would wear Ray Bans, What does he say about Blu-Ray.

4. Revise the Bible.

“They” (the religious) claim that the bible is a source book of fact concerning the beginning of time. ok, that’s cool. I know of another source book, Principia Mathematica, it was released in 1687 and written by Issac Newton. Now, since then mathematicians have done something called “revising”. They take the original ideas, hone them, fix things up, make things fit more precisely and re-release the book according to its revised edition count. The bible, whose age varies between 3300 years and 1500 years old, in the meantime has only had one revision and that was thanks to King James in 1611. I think its time to look at it again…

3. Insert Pop-culture and go digital.

The one thing our generation enjoys is digital. The internet is an endless source of amusement. So…. put jesus into modern digital pop culture. The best attack would be telling the bible through a series of humorous screencaps:

2.  Turn the bible into a Graphic Novel.

Some of the most influential literature of this generation is in the humble graphic novel. Their presence is a commentary of social, political and governmental ideas as well as being a voice for a generation.

Render the Bible as a graphic novel and you have your mid-teen to frankly-any-age-male-that-has-turned-his-room-into-a-hi-tech-sofa-lined-batcave-complete-with-barfridge demographic. I suggest throw in something by Frank Miller and you have will some converts.

1. Make Jesus a Badass.

Too timid, too meek, too long ago, too BORING! Go all Christopher Nolan on Jesus and give him a badass makeover. He’s an only child, destiny of mans salvation riding on his shoulders, i’m sure there’s room for a few chips too. Let Jesus kick but.